The Isaac that wasn't a MAN! (Relationship GIST)

Gists centered on relationships are lowkey my favourite!! And when I had the opportunity to share a friend's story...

The merrier it became for me, and for you too! Yikes!!! I hope you laugh and learn... Because we all just be suffering, smiling and learning. 😒

*Iyawo pastor*

I had one subtle yet extremely loud goal for 2020, the year when I finally alight from the crowded bus full of people in the "God when?” gang (if you're in this bus wave so I can see you o 😄).

After being single since (Obasanjo was president, lol!) the year 2012, and spending four (4) years in the University, Omo! My time had come. I mean, I had tried enough, don't you think? Coupled with the fact that I had received some words from God the previous year tailored around the arrival of ”my Isaac” in the coming year, whoosh... I was ready.

So, I began the new year, highly spirited. What really could stop me from being in a relationship? Wo, my Isaac was to come this year right?!

Truly, I did experience an increase in the number of suitors approaching me though. Fresh on my mind is one of such suitors who began confessing undying love and proposed marriage after 3 days of meeting me. For some weird reason, I knew there was something not quite right about it. It felt too good to be true, call me old fashioned but a mentor had previously said to pay more attention to the things not professed rather than the things professed. So yes, I declined. Four months later, and...wedding bells are ringing.

The year progressed and I didn't relent in the belief that my Isaac would come, and did he come? Yes! 😎 

Honestly, I started off with the intention of being just friends as this was one of my primary goals for the year: Build valuable relationships. But man! Let's just say I did get swept off my feet! (Omo... cupid no try for me at all!!🙃), so much so that I was floating on cloud 9! Not only was this too good to be true, I didn't care, I was willing to risk it. Anything for my Isaac, who had finally arrived.

Unlike the customary ritual of me praying about possible relationships, I ignored every nudging I got to, that when I had conversations with my friends and they asked “Babe, have you prayed about it?” I would smile, cause a distraction and change the conversation. I honestly didn’t want anybody ruining my parole.

When I did ponder on it, I’d be reminded of a question the Holy Spirit asked me one of the days we had fellowship “why do you think my answer to your request would be NO?”. I just continued with anything to justify my action.

We quickly moved from being just friends to intimate friends (long hours of conversations, the lovey-dovey moments, you know the rest!😂) you could as well say we were dating, only without the tag. This went on for months and again I ignored the nudge to ask for clarity. For someone who preached and lived "Define your relationship"... *I had broken my jar*. Thinking about it now, I realized I was scared of letting my Isaac (or so I thought) go! I once again told myself, when we meet physically we would talk about it. But...

A couple of months, and we finally met. It was a rush of emotions, uncertainty, shyness, expectation...until the words came for the first time "I love you. Yessssssssssss! Finally! I knew all along, he is indeed my Isaac.

What I however ignored was the fact that amid our conversation, we talked about our fears of commitment. Hours after the meeting, I could tell you he said he loves me and wants to prepare his mind for what we were about to do, but I couldn't tell you he was vocal about his intentions of us dating.

My Isaac had promised to clear his involvement and I was ready, nothing else mattered. Not the fact that he kept using the ”if we date” statement every time, or the long periods of silence (no calls, text, or chats), no apologies for missed appointments, no explanation for going silent, or why he never clearly stated his intentions, or treat the things that mattered to me seriously. For one who didn't want to lose her Isaac, I had to make excuses and disregarded glaring evidences that he didn't care as deeply as I did.

Four months later, I still can't explain why the "I’ll call you on Thursday so we'll fix our meeting for Friday” never came, and it still wasn't clear to me that he had ghosted me!!  He continued viewing my status and replying to some but never mentioned why the call never came. Never had I experienced such gaslighting in my entire life, I felt really hurt!!

My Isaac suddenly had become tears instead of laughter. It's a miracle I didn't lose my sanity. For the first time, I broke a piece of my jar and refused to strike a conversation to know why the call never came in, communication skills could take a backseat. I did cry!

LESSON

As much as I would love to trade blames, I've never been one to do so. I believe that every of my action was possible because I choose to let it happen and so I take responsibility for the outcome, whether good or bad. So, I started to reflect on what I should have done differently, and here's what I realized.

1. Gain clarity on what God says to you. Never interpret it based on a current need or modify it to fit your desires. Instead, ask for clarity. You see before when the word about the coming of my Isaac came, I had gone through a very tough emotional experience, at some point it felt like I would die. I struggled with the reality of God's goodness and had lost my ability to laugh. And so, my "Isaac coming" was simply me relearning and experiencing laughter again, but because I was consumed with the thought of being in a relationship, I interpreted it wrongly, and oh well, let's just say it ended in tears, ice-cold premium tears!

2. Just because you're going through a dark phase, your worth never diminishes.  Whether you are clear or confused about major decisions, see yourself the way God sees you. I have had to learn through this experience that people would treat you the way you treat yourself. When I say I broke my jar, I mean I let my values and standards drop... how can he like me in all my confusion and brokenness. I literally felt he was doing me a favor and so, even when I wasn't okay with what was going on, I kept being delusional. It's not pride, it's just who you are, ROYALTY! Never lose sight of that.

3. God doesn't have stepdaughters or sons, he only has children whom he loves and has the best intentions for. He's not going to let you be single for more than the day he's intended. So, yes, I know yo! and I am one of those who didn't receive surprise laden with sax, throw pillow, money cake, magic mug, and what have you, no body used us for lomotif (ya'll know this stuff!), and you're constantly asking "God when?”, am I your stepdaughter of son? I know that pressure that comes when your peers are getting married (e shock me too), or engaged. But hey dear, PLEASE RELAX. God still has sons and daughters, and I am a firm believer that He writes the best love stories.

I'm done pressuring myself into being in a relationship, done ignoring the impressions laid in my heart because they don't seem spectacular, done settling for less than I truly deserve. Now, I've handed the pen over to Papa so he can write my love story. I'm enjoying my Isaac (not a man, but a phase), rebuilding my jars (values and standards), learning from my mistakes, and winning at life (I have clarity now, pursuing my dreams (I got my dream job) and SERVING, not WAITING, because I WON’T BE SINGLE FOR MORE THAN A DAY THAT GOD INTENDS.

And you won't too!

❤❤

Author: Iyawo Pastor