To Be Vulnerable (The Softie)

I had previously been an uptight, hard face princess. Building walls after walls to shield my precious heart. I never wanted to be hurt. O boy, fast forward many years later I can't count how many blows I have received from family, friends and foes, life huh?! There was a period in my life I didn't cry! So much for being a 'bad bitch'- at least that's what they call themselves these days.

A couple of years back, I had a serious fight with a guy I was in a relationship with. Then one evening, still knee deep in giving each other space, he called and asked me to listen to a show they were doing on radio. I reluctantly obliged. I guess they knew I was gonna listen that day because they all of a sudden started to talk about vulnerability.

I was so pissed! Since all I could see was a guy who wants me to break all my walls so he could easily ruin my life emotionally. I couldn't get the earplugs out because I was drawn in and curiosity was a bad girl that day. After a few minutes of blabing to and fro, the voice from the radio echoed in my head " vulnerability isn't losing guards so you'll be hurt, it's simply letting your guard down so you can wholly enjoy the love process. Knowing you can be hurt". I mentally drank water to wash this hard pill down my throat. So I'm going to be a Softie?!

Years after that scene, I keep recalling that life changing event. I started to see life for what it truly is (not to say I am a PRO o, life still dey give me gbas gbos).

Lately, I've been reading some disturbing tweet about couples not wanting to sleep in the same room, and not having marriage as a goal when dating... all of these hullabaloo makes me want to order French fries and a bottle of coke because TOO MUCH DRAMA YA'LL!!!

These thoughts are as a result of not wanting to be vulnerable. We keep coming up with ways to shut out things we think are going to hurt us later.

When we keep thinking of ways to curb the hurt that comes with fulfillment, we never really become fulfilled.

JESUS held strong to the end result more than the process, and it explains why HE didn't bail. Now, nobody is saying DIE... I'm saying life is beautifully twisted! For instance, I questioned having kids and was opting not to because I don't want to birth a child that'll end up choosing all the bad things (there's no explanation to that), I simply can't be faced with the questions of "how did I raise such a brute?" Whether we agree or  not, this generation is bad, but the next one... ghen-ghen!

Over time, I try to see that everything has bad sides that comes with the good side, they're inseparable. On the child thing, I'm just suppose to enjoy motherhood and let God worry about the rest, Doesn't mean there won't be nerve racking times.

If you're going to venture into this life business, then you should be open to the hurt. Not to break you but to teach you.

You are stronger than you probably think you are, and strong people know they can't skip the war. For Victory, we fight! Not to win, but to become stronger.

On sunday pastor made reference to Matt 7, where JESUS talked about the wise and foolish builder, read it for context. He continued with "the rain, flood, and wind are trials that life throws at us...".  Just then it occurred to me that we do not build a solid house to stop the rain from falling, we build a solid house to shield us from nature's hazzard when they come.

Vulnerability is a good thing. Be open to life, make choices based on how much valuable lessons it'll teach you and how much closer it will bring you to fulfillment. Sadly, life is the only thing that isn't made in Nigeria, but doesn't come with a manual. I strongly believe, on some very crucial life cares, that personal experience is the best teacher rather than a story.

Think about what you really want, and be ready for all that would beat hard. Focus on your victory scars. Do not write things off because of the hurt, forgetting the essence of it. Do not form your opinion based on other people's decisions and thoughts.

"From experiences, comes wisdom. And from popular opinion, knowledge is formed" - Aigbuza Henrietta.

I urge you this week to take time out, sit and reflect on what you TRULY want. Write them down and start tackling your previous opinion from the smallest. See to it that you seek the Holy Spirit's opinion as well, as cliche as this sounds, HE comes through because he lives for moments like this.

I already started with one of mine.

What popular opinion have you adopted lately?

Until next week, remain blessed and highly favoured.

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